Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Now with gifs!

Generally I don't do this but today is a GOLDMINE for Craigslist personal ads. Honestly, Craigslist is like the Youtube of advertisement; rife with stupidity, sexism, racism and all the worse behaviors of humanity and white/male privilege of those idiots who don't think before they spew garbage from their keyboards. Let's explore these behaviors - with gifs!

(Edited into two parts because it became too long. part two will be along shortly)

Contender Number 1

Women are stupid - 25

You're all stupid, petty, superficial and disgusting creatures. And I hate you. but obviously since I'm a pathetic human waste of space, I still have the desire to be involved with other filthy humans romantically and otherwise. So I'm looking for a girl who isn't as dumb as people normally are, preferably slightly less petty and superficial also. You should know how to read books (Twilight and 50 shades don't count as books you morons), enjoy good movies (Twilight and anything directed by Michael Bay don't qualify), and know music that isn't played on top 40 pop stations. I know, I'm asking for a lot. Oh and no super skinny girls. Eat something you idiots and quit saying you're fat.

Mmmmm, yes - who WOULDN'T answer such a sumptuously spiteful and hatefilled plea for human contact? We have a full bingo sheet here; hate for women, hate for women's bodies with an extra heaping of jugement because y'know, women don't get judged enough for their looks - skinny or not, derision of women's literature (even if I DO hate Twilight it's still a legitimate book and liking it doesn't make you stupid or horrible. Just tasteless) AND you have to 'prove' yourself worthy by..what- reciting Shakespeare? Somehow I doubt this man, boychild, puerile puss-filled bag o' hate would know culture if it bit him in the ass.

See, the Doctor is not amused.

Contender Number 2:

NEEDING LOVE AND AFFECTION OR I WILL TURN INTO A FAIRY - 70

IN FEAR OF LATENT HOMOSEXUALALITY COMING OUT.... I AM TURNING INTO A FAIRY CAN YOU HELP ME PLEASE....HURRY....I NEED A WOMAN TO MAKE ME A MAN OR ELSE...HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING YET... *********** SAVE ME

Is it weird that I took this literally and had the image of someone turning into Tinkerbell? Or Sailor Moon. That works too

Then I remembered 'fairy' was a popular term for 'gay' back in the what, 70's? Probably before that too. Old dude weiner needs love too.

Contender Number 3:

Disheartening Goodbye

I know not why all that has happened between us unfolded. . .Every moment since our bond was ripped apart my heart has been sunk to depths lower than I have ever known. It seems like it is so easy for you to let me go. . .I literally have had to force myself to try not to think of you, but my heart refuses to oblige and constantly transports me to how safe I once felt with you, and how special you became to me. You say that I didn't care about you, but my manifest pain is simply an expression of how heart broken I am, for I know not how to contain it. Every night has been a struggle to rest, and when I finally do, I dream that you would be there to catch me when I woke from this nightmare, but instead I am in a constant free fall, consumed in despair and loneliness. . .the nightmare continues and I am literally sick. I never cared about the money, all I wanted was you, I wanted you to have my back, I felt so honored to call you my girl, I wanted to be your man. Even though I feel in my heart at this point that you do not care about me, and have already moved on, please just tell me that you never loved me, and I will no longer reach out to you? With no reason at this point to say what isn't meant, I truly do still love you, my beautiful stubborn girl lol. For I do understand your pain and solitude, and why it is so hard for you to trust. I especially understand why you have felt alone for much of life, for I also never have truly felt I had anywhere to rest my head and heart in this world. Whatever it is that I have done that caused you so much pain, I truly apologize and I humbly just ask that you forgive me? If you have already said your goodbyes, at least allow me the chance to hear your voice once more to say mine. . .. . ..

*Snort*Whaatziit? huh? Sorry - soporific gushing, bathetic poetry on the internets put me to sleep. Let us cry a single tear for the manpain that vomited this on a public forum.

Contender Number 4:

33yo looking for 19-25

Hello, I'm 33, single dad, dated all ages through life, found that younger women are just more energetic and not so self centered or prudes. If you're in the 19-24 age range ad want a mature man in your life. Not looking for anything serious to the affects of marriage. Just want to enjoy life and have fun living life. As far as activities , I'm into shooting, going tubing on the river. Road trips and catching a ball game. If you decide to reply, change the subject to your favorite sports team or I won't even open your email

I really don't know if 33 and trolling for barely legal meat constitutes as 'a mature man'. 'Gross' yes. 'Predatory' check. 'Morally dubious' certainly.

The reason why older men trolling for 21 and under women will ALWAYS squick me the hell out is because it suggests they are looking for someone inexperienced and through that inexperience are willing to put up with shit that any grown and experienced woman would NOT put up with. What exactly are you expecting at that age? They aren't even out of college, they don't know much about the world or sex, or relationships and that makes them easier to prey on - so EW whenever I hear 'barely legal'.

Can we get a translation for this asshole?

'found that younger women are just more energetic and not so celf-centered or prudes' becomes 'I want someone to do all the work and not complain when I coerce them into kinky shit they don't really want to do but do it anyway because they're too young and inexperienced to know that they can say 'no''

'shooting, road trips and catching a ball game' becomes 'hey sweetheart, cook some grub for me and the fellas while I sit on my ass in front of the tv and stratch my balls'

and remember he won't even consideryou unless you put your favorite sports team in the header!

Ugh, seriously, just GTFO

That's about all I can muster to write about today. Amusing as these ads may be they are a symptom of things that are seriously wrong with society.

4 comments:

lateblt said...

I agree with everything you wrote, but be careful, Megan. Remember: She who fights monsters... :)

Devicat said...

eehhhh, I don't think anybody really reads this blog anyhow and, wow HEY! good to hear from hear! I'm sorry I've been so dead on livejournal. I hope you're doing ok. A little trolling on the blog might liven things up and I've always wanted to exercise the ban hammer. or deploy the KITTEN-ATOR!! (replacing all vile garbage spewed in the comment section with 'I love fluffy kittens')

Devicat said...

blurg - not awake; *'hear from you!!! HEAR FROM YOUUUU!!!!'

lateblt said...

I usually think that no one reads my blog either, and then I am suddenly surprised when I find out that somebody actually has read something from it. I like the way you rage sometimes, perhaps just because it reminds me of the way I do the same thing myself, but I just wanted to send a quick reminder that too much negativity quickly becomes a deathtrap that it's hard to escape from, since you'll never stop finding things in the world to feel bad about. Oh, and please don't be sorry for not being more active on LJ (or the Internet in general, for that matter); I know that you've been going through some difficult times and have been busy getting your life in order. But I'm glad to see that you're taking the time to enjoy yourself along the way. ^_^ I'm going through some tough spots too, but it'll probably get better soon. Anyway, remember to be true to yourself and what you really want, and you'll get there.